I can feel the cool
of the forest–in rain drops
on Mexican plum.

So, Langston, what do I do
with a dream deferred?
Do I soak it in
a jar of formaldehyde,
bottle it up, repress it?
Should I sip its ooze,
hack its weathered bones
into dim lemon beads?
Wear it to honor lonely elephants
and the ghosts of Mardi Gras?
Or, should I allow it to fester
beneath an emaciated gray sky–
And then run?

2005

Notes:

This piece was inspired by a news story I read shortly before I returned to New Orleans. It’s so sad: Lonely elephants, edgy apes shaken by post-Katrina life at zoo

Thanks for letting me borrow your words, Langston. (As if you had any say!)

If anything, I am more aware of each heartbeat;
erratic pumping like the crush of acorns
beneath bare feet–breathe in, bleed out–
Yes, it hurts.

When it snows, I become the lady in red,
dragging my lace shawl. It is no longer fun
when the cold burns my hands–when nothing
singes as it should

and wounds
cannot be cauterized.

08/30/11

Notes:

This poem is a sequel (of sorts) to Nightmare.

Sometimes I feel like the voice of reason, standing on a street corner
in one hundred and eleven degree fire weather:

“Floodwaters don’t come
because of Mardi Gras or gay marriage.
There is no deity in the sky, anger white-hot
and scalding. There is only the sun, distant and warm,
its beams slinking through ozone, rooting brown roses
to our forearms and faces.

Stop looking for locusts; any warning you perceive
is the earth’s murmuring: ‘I am not God or Pele.
I will not throw you into the crater and watch you
burn. I am the voice in your head, humming in key
with downed power lines: Something is wrong.
Who is to blame? I am not to blame.

I have done nothing.‘”

08/28/11

Starling
Tori Amos

Starling, you were right; I am the jealous kind.
Whoever would have guessed?
Starling, now I am shut out and confined
Even within my nest.

What, what does it take to make it through another day,
If a feather lined with his words becomes a blade?

Starling, when he screams he screams in black and white,
Just like the magpie.
Shattered night, then I woke
Not to a lonely lark but to a raven’s cry.

If a feather lined with his words becomes a blade
Then what, what will it take to make it through another day?

So when they play, play the song
Sing along.
It may be your turn to shine
If you know the lines.
Hey, what’s that you say?
“You can find, find him online
Most of the time these days.”
“Is that right?” I say.

You were right, Starling.

The World at Large
Modest Mouse

Ice-age heat wave, can’t complain.
If the world’s at large, why should I remain?
Walked away to another plan.
Gonna find another place, maybe one I can stand.
I move on to another day,
to a whole new town with a whole new way.
Went to the porch to have a thought.
Got to the door and again, I couldn’t stop.
You don’t know where and you don’t know when.
But you still got your words and you got your friends.
Walk along to another day.
Work a little harder, work another way.

Well uh-uh baby I ain’t got no plan.
We’ll float on maybe would you understand?
Gonna float on maybe would you understand?
Well float on maybe would you understand?

The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I’m making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it’s not surprising but it’s spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters – books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven’t gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I’m caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn’t know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn’t understand.

I know that starting over is not what life’s about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn’t hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn’t hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud.

Take to the Sky
Tori Amos

This house is like Russia
with eyes cold and grey.
You got me moving in a circle.
I dyed my hair red today.

I just want a little passion
to hold me in the dark.
I know I’ve got some magic
buried deep in my heart, yeah,
but my priest says,
“You ain’t savin’ no souls.”
My father says,
“You ain’t makin’ any money.”
My doctor says,
“You just took it to the limit.”
And here I stand,
with this sword in my hand…

You can say it one more time
what you don’t like.
Let me hear it one more time
and have a seat while I
take to the sky…

My heart is like the ocean;
it gets in the way.
So close to touching freedom,
then I hear the guards call my name,
but my priest says,
“You ain’t savin’ no souls.”
My father says,
“You ain’t makin’ any money.”
My doctor says,
“You just took it to the limit.”
And here I stand,
with this sword in my hand…

You can say it one more time
what you don’t like.
Let me hear it one more time
and have a seat while I
take to the sky…

If you don’t like me just a little,
why do you hang around?
If you don’t like me just a little,
why do you hang around?
If you don’t like me just a little,
Why do you
take it, take it, take it?!

You can say it one more time
what you don’t like.
Let me hear it one more time
and have a seat while I
take to the sky…

Blood Roses
Tori Amos

Blood roses
Blood roses
Back on the street now
Blood roses
Blood roses
Back on the street now
Can’t forget the things you never said
On days like these starts me thinking
When chickens get a taste of your meat girl
Chickens get a taste of your meat yes

You gave him you blood
And your warm little diamond
He likes killing you after you’re dead
You think I’m a queer
I think you’re a queer
Said I think you’re a queer
I think you’re a queer
I shaved every place where you been boy
I said I shaved every place where you been yes

God knows I know
I’ve thrown away those graces
God knows I’ve thrown away
Those graces
God knows I know
I’ve thrown away those graces

The Belle of New Orleans tried to show me
Once how to tango
Wrapped around you feet
Wrapped around like good little roses

Blood Roses
Blood Roses
Back on the street now
Blood Roses
Blood Roses
Back on the street now
Now, Now
Now you’ve cut out the flute
From the throat of the loon
At least when you cry now
He can’t even hear you
When chickens get a taste of your meat girl
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
When he sucks you deep
Sometimes you’re nothing but meat

Siren
Tori Amos

And you know you’re gonna lie to you
In your own way
And you know you’re gonna lie to you
In your own way

And I lie some other day
You do
And you say girl
Know too well
Know the chill
Know she breaks
My siren
Know teenage flesh
Know the chill
Know she breaks
My siren

Never was one for a prissy girl
Coquette call in for an ambulance
Reach high, doesn’t mean she’s holy
Just means she’s got a cellular handy
Almost brave, almost pregnant
Almost in love
Vanilla
Vanilla

And you know you’re gonna lie to you
In your own way
And you know you’re gonna lie to you
In your own way

And you don’t need the light on
To guide you through the southern lands
Go said go, yes

Know too well
Know the chill
Know she breaks
My siren
Know teenage flesh
Know the chill
Know she breaks
My siren

Never was one for a prissy girl
Coquette call in for an ambulance
Reach high, doesn’t mean she’s holy
Just means she’s got a cellular handy
Almost brave, almost pregnant
Almost in love
Vanilla…

Caught a Lite Sneeze
Tori Amos

Caught a lite sneeze. Caught a lite breeze.
Caught a lightweight lightningseed.
Boys on my left side. Boys on my right side.
Boys in the middle – and you’re not here.
Doot do, do do do do do, doot oo…
I need a big loan from a girl zone.

Building… tumbling… down.
Didn’t know our love was so small.
Couldn’t stand it at all.
Mister Saint John just bring your son.

The spire is hot and my cells can’t feed.
And you still got that Belle dragging your foots, yes.
I’m hiding it well, Sister Ernestine.
But I still got that Belle dragging my foots, yes.

Building… tumbling… down.
Didn’t know our love was so small.
Couldn’t stand it at all.
Mister Saint John just bring your son.

Right on time.
You get closer and closer, call my name.
There’s no way… in- use that fame.
Rent your wife and kids today.
And maybe she will, I said maybe she will.
Caught a lite sneeze. Dreamed a little dream.
Made my own pretty hate machine.
Boys on my left side. Boys on my right side.
Boys in the middle and you’re not here.
Boys in their dresses and you’re not here.
I need a big loan from a girl zone.
I need a big loan from a girl zone.

Building… tumbling… down.
Didn’t know our love was so small.
Couldn’t stand it at all.
Mister Saint John just bring your son.